Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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