I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
