Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
