They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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