I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
