Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
