I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
