Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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