well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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