M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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