I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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