i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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