I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
