No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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