Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
