Kiss
Puke
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't put those talents on a resume
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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