i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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