I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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