i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
