Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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