I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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