Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
