from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
