Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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