OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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