Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just invented taco cereal.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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