Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
