And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
