we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
