Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
