Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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