ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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