If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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