I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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