C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
