so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
