I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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