His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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