he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You pole danced in your parka.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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