Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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