dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sext me about skeletons
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
