You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
