Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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