My first STD was from a foam party
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
