So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
