no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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