My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
