covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you never un-have a 4some
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
