I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
