Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
