the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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