she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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